Are you a Chess addict?

Hi, my name is Daniel, and I’m a Chess addict…

From ChessPatzer I was directed to this list, sure signs of being a chess addict. If you answer yes to these questions, run to your nearest Chess Club, or log on to your favorite online chess site….

You know you are a chess addict if:

you bump into someone or something and say J’adoube.

you set up a chess set with salt and pepper shakers and food items when you sit at a checkered tablecloth.

you calculate 8×8 faster than 7×7

you have more chess clocks than watches

you buy the biggest, fastest, most expensive computer just to play chess on it or use it as a database

mate, mating positions, exposed bishops, and forking the queen have nothing to do with sex

you take a chess set and book to the bathroom, and forget to go to the bathroom

you meet someone, your first question is, “What’s your rating?”

every week you downloaded every game from The Week in Chess, in ChessBase 6, ChessBase, and PGN format

you buy a newspaper only if it has a chess column in it

you still think Bobby Fischer is a hero, despite his radio interviews and his 9/11 comments, who will come back the the U.S. and take on the rest of the world again.

you have more chess books than any other book or magazine combined

the Olympics are every two years

you spot the chessboard set up wrong in every movie with a chess scene

you who know exactly what James Bond movie the above scene was taken from

you name any of your pets Fischer, Tal, Karpov, Kasparov, Fritz, Chess (not Checkers) or Alekhine

your favorite movie is “Searching for Bobby Fischer” or “The Luzhin Defense”

you have checkered underwear with “It’s your move” on the front

you have fantasies of mating one of the Polgar sisters or (that’s checkmating)

have a crush on Irina Krush

your favorite snack is Pepperidge Farm’s Chessmen cookies

you have the 2003 International Chess Calendar hanging up in front of you with your name on one of the calendar dates

you have the “Chessplayers make better mates” bumper sticker on your car or briefcase

you know what BCO, ECO, MCO, NCO, PCO all mean and have all these books

you ask girl if she plays chess before you ask her out for a date

you end your letters and email with “P.S. 1.P-K4 (or 1.e4)” hoping to start a game

you drop everything and quickly spin around if you hear someone say, “Hi, Bobby” at a chess tournament

you take a test, and 5 minutes before you run out of time, you mentally tell yourself that your flag is about to fall

you have your name on a brick in front of the Chess Hall of Fame

you go to any Barnes and Noble in the world and know exactly where all the chess books are located

you reply to messages found on rec.games.chess

you post new messages looking for your only friends on rec.games.chess

when the cashier says, “Check?” you wink and say “mate”

you have a chess logo on your letterhead or shirt

tries to play cards blindfolded

wants the child’s nursery to have black and white squares

uses chessboard cufflinks and tie clips

only time voted was in the USCF election

has a chess mug for coffee

a Bishop scandal is someone who puts his Bishop on the wrong colored diagonal

fantasizes of also beating Mr Spock in 3-D chess

still thinks Kasparov is world champion and has always been world champion since beating Karpov in 1985

going to a chess tournament and can’t wait in saying “Look at those chess nuts boasting by an open foyer.”

looks for three other friends to play bug-house

have used any of these aliases while on the Internet: Buttvinik, Caissa, Gata, Bobby Fischer, IvanCheck, Polgar, Jadoube, Kapablanca, KnightStalker, KibitzandBlitz, KnightRider, Pawnographer, Philidork, Queenforker, Rookie Player, Roy Lopez, TarraschCan, Zukertort, KillerMate

you have played the ghost of Geza Maroczy

you own a Harry Potter or Civil War chess set

you played in chess tournaments all year long and have almost made $1,000 (but you spent $2,000 earning that)

you have read all of this