one of my favorite saturday night live moments..
Donald Ramp…..Jim Belushi
Announcer: Chess. The thinking man’s sport. For over half a century, dozens of world grand masters have come out of America’s high school chess clubs. Most of the credit for that belons to the unsung hero of chess - the high school chess coach.
[ show Chess Coach Donald Ramp yelling at his players during a match ]
Donald Ramp: Pawn to Rook 4! Pawn to Rook 4! Nooooooo!! Get up, get up, get up!! [ starts kicking chairs around ]
Announcer: Donald Ramp, of Rodville Center High, dedicated to turning raw kids into chess champions.
Donald Ramp: You call that castling?! Come on! Why don’t you just give him the king?! Give it to him!
Donald Ramp V/O: A lot of people think that chess games are won on brilliant moves. They’re not. The match is really won or lost long before the pieces are set up.
Donald Ramp: Next Saturday: Wheaton High. Big match, tough school. They’re using a Sicilian defense. How do we counter? Simple. [ draws chess board on the chalk board, filling in the individual squares ]
Donald Ramp V/O: The fundamental thing about chess? Knowing the rules.
[ show Donald reviewing strategy with a student ]
Donald Ramp: When you go over there, move the knight..
Student: [ confused ] The knight?
Donald Ramp: Yeah.. the horsey thing, the horsey thing! Come on!
[ cut to another interaction ]
Donald Ramp: Move it, movie it, movie it! Move the bishop!
[ cut to Donald reviewing film footage of an earlier chess match ]
Donald Ramp V/O: Sure. I am hard on the guys. But I’m just as hard on myself. Most nights, I’m in the office ’til midnight, watching game films.
Announcer: But Ramp’s lust for victory can lead to controversry, like the furor surrounding his overseas recruiting trips.
[ SUPER: “Andrei Zhubarov, Chess Team Captain Class of ‘85″ ]
Andrei Zhubarov: I love to play for Coach Ramp. He was like a father to me, he bring me to this school in my shuffleboard years.
[ cut to another tense chess match ]
Donald Ramp: You call that a jump?! His [ bleep ] bishop wasn’t anywhere near the [ bleep ] queen!
Announcer: Ironically, it was during the filming of this profile that Coach Ramp expeirenced the most regrettable incident of his career.
[ Coach Ramp knocks down one of the opposing player’s chess pieces, a riot ensues. Members of the opposing team jump him, screaming, “Hey, you can’t do that!” etc. ]
Donald Ramp V/O: Some people say I lost control that day. But when you’re down two pawns, you gotta do something.
Announcer: For inciting the brawl, the American High School Chess Confederation branded Coach Ramp with a lifetime suspension.
Donald Ramp V/O: I’m really not sure what I’ll do. For now, I’m looking forward to spending more time with my family.
Daughter: Pass the salt, Daddy?
[ Coach Ramp lifts the salt shaker, then moves it about the checkerboard table around other shakers, simulating chess moves ]
Donald Ramp V/O: The only thing I miss are the matches, the excitement, the adrenaline.. The rest of it, I can live without. Still.. I guess the game never really leaves you..